Friday, November 6, 2009

Because the world needs another blog

Welcome, everyone. And thanks for tuning in. I've heard that the average blog has one viewer - the blogger. Hopefully I won't bring that average down too much.

Just so you know, I have no plan here. I'm just going to tell stories. That's all. I hope you're okay with that.

So, first thing, let me tell you what it was like setting up this blog. It was nuts! Way too easy and way too hard, all at the same time. Any asshole with an alleged name and a putative email address can start a blog. But then a pop quiz from Blogger followed: What are your favorite movies? books? music? I don't have any of those things! It really depends, right? What kind of shallow jerk does Blogger take me for?

Moving along: I'm in DC today. My husband and I acted like total douchebags when we arrived yesterday. We got into town very late. We arrived at the hotel and learned that, because the rooms were oversold, we were being cast out into the night like hobos. (Actually, they just sent us to another, much nicer hotel, but it was still a very jarring experience at 1 AM.) This has never happened to me before, but I immediately sensed the opportunity for free stuff. (Rule #1 in life: When a corporation inconveniences you, even just theoretically, ask for reparations.) So we requested a complimentary breakfast for our trouble. The manager, Chaz Buzzarelli -- I am not shitting you, that really was his name -- was reluctant, but we kept asking, and ultimately we prevailed. Yay! Breakfast was extra delicious.

But then: As I licked the last, buttery crumbs of Viennese pastries from my lips, I realized that we weren't being charged for the hotel stay! That was never made clear!!! So I had swindled them out of breakfast ON TOP OF getting the hotel room for free. This probably explains the manager's shocked demeanor. In two seconds, I went from profound, pastry-induced elation to deep despair. It was awful!

And it got worse. I retired to my suite to contemplate my wretchedness. I even did some work on my laptop as penance for my ghastly behavior. Suddenly, the door burst open, and an English butler entered (all the workers at this hotel are made to dress like servants in a Dickens novel). He bowed and extended a silver platter bearing three chocolate chip cookies. Seething with self-loathing, I devoured his offerings. I am a monster!


Hillary said...

The world needs THIS blog!! You have so much to teach us, if only we had the cajones and small frame (to follow in your footsteps through a fence).

I usually make my blog "readable" by adding lots of pictures of a cute person. It says so much about your adventures and writing ability that your blog is worth visiting even without such images. Well done!!

Brian said...

I love this blog! Basking in the afterglow of reading all these great stories, I realized - why has Susan never shared more stories with me before?

Also, I'm much more aware of your potty mouth. Do you have a potty mouth in real life? I'm not remembering it. Either way, keep the stories coming, especially when it comes to sticking it to The Man.

Finally, yes, more pictures! Even though you most likely have a crappy bargain basement cell phone, I bet it has a camera - start snapping!

OK, I have to go now, my comment is a blog post unto itself.

Karen said...

Susan, I love your blog!! Haven't laughed this much since I lived in Ann Arbor. Isn't that pathetic.