Thursday, January 27, 2011

Susan’s great escape

My husband E is blogging for me today:
Susan and I used to shop at this crazy-crowded market, FailWay, on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.  Anyone who’s been there has experienced the narrow aisles, the slow walkers with dead eyes, the pushing and shoving – in short, the usual New York shopping experience.
So there we were, going in after work when the place was stuffed with yuppies.  And yes, these were our people - we too trolled the aisles in search of organic dark chocolate, vegan ravioli, and extra virgin lotus root oil.  Then we got on the back of this tremendously long line.  People, I kid you not, the line snaked around the whole store.  It was reminiscent of the Soviet Union.  Yes, it was the “express line,” but this line made a mockery of the very meaning and essence of the phrase.

As usual, I was resigned to our fate, but Susan hates lines.  She said, “Stay here, I’ll be back” and then disappeared into the throng of shoppers.  Where she went, I had no idea.  She couldn’t possibly find a better line - after all, we were in “express,” and the store was jammed. 
After a minute, Susan reappeared and announced, very loudly, “Come on, honey, this line is for suckers!”
What?  I looked around at my fellow line-prisoners.  They heard Susan as well, but none of us could understand what she meant.  Everyone gaped as Susan grabbed my sleeve and dragged me to the other side of the store.  And there it was, something only Susan could locate at the far corner of a crowded FailWay, like a divining rod sensing a drop of water in the desert.  Something that should not exist in Manhattan at 6pm – a check-out with no line at all!  
How was it possible?  How did Susan find this gem that was seemingly invisible to all other mortals in the store?  I have no idea, but we were out of that store in no time, and we never looked back.


Anonymous said...

ha ha ha!! you all are too funny! i don't think i will ever dare shop without susan again...xoEmily

Anonymous said...

typical, tho oddly not un-entertaining. you perplex me